The Intricacies of Transference
Understanding and Handling Transference
When most people hear the term “transference”, they often associate it with a client falling in love with a counselor. In reality, there are numerous states and scenarios of transference. Transference refers to the client transferring their feelings for others onto the counselor. In this sense, the counselor becomes a substitute, much like an “inflatable doll” or a “scapegoat”. Thus, transference is not only related to the client’s love or other positive feelings towards the counselor. It also encompasses emotions such as anger, contempt, shame, inferiority, resentment, hatred, pity, and sexual fantasies that the client has towards others but finds difficult to handle.
The Normality of Transference
Everyone harbors an ocean of emotions within. The surging tides of feelings sometimes need an outlet. Just like Samson in the Bible, who fell in love with Delilah, the daughter of the enemy, and was ultimately betrayed by her, losing his strength and freedom. The root of this tragedy lies in Samson’s inability to face his emotions squarely. Had he been able to be honest with himself about his feelings, the outcome might have been very different. Transference is precisely such an emotional fluctuation. You might see a familiar shadow in the counselor – perhaps someone you once deeply loved or an unforgettable past. These feelings will naturally emerge, and there’s no need to blame yourself. In fact, this indicates that you are on the path of self – discovery and healing.
The Multifaceted Forms of Transference
Transference is not just a favorable feeling towards the counselor; it can be various complex emotions.
Difficult – to – Handle Anger
In the movie “Braveheart”, William Wallace’s anger towards the British was so intense that he regarded all of them as enemies. Similarly, a client might vent their anger towards others on the counselor because they can’t face those people directly.
Difficult – to – Handle Contempt
In the novel “Pride and Prejudice”, Mr. Darcy initially had an indescribable contempt for Elizabeth. This feeling was not truly directed at her but was a reflection of his class superiority. A client might also transfer their contempt for others onto the counselor.
Difficult – to – Handle Shame
In the movie “A Beautiful Mind”, John Nash was extremely ashamed of his mental illness and had difficulty facing his problem. Similarly, a client might feel ashamed in front of the counselor because they project their inner struggles onto the counselor.
Difficult – to – Handle Inferiority
In the novel “The Scarlet Letter”, Hester Prynne felt deeply inferior because of her sin, hiding this feeling in her heart. A client might feel inferior in front of the counselor as they project their lack of confidence onto the counselor.
Difficult – to – Handle Resentment
In the movie “Farewell My Concubine”, Duan Xiaolou had deep resentment towards his younger brother Cheng Dieyi, which stemmed from his dissatisfaction with his own life. A client might transfer this kind of resentment onto the counselor because they can’t face those who make them resentful directly.
Difficult – to – Handle Hatred
In the novel “Wuthering Heights”, Heathcliff was filled with hatred for the whole world and transferred this hatred to everyone he came into contact with. A client might feel hatred towards the counselor because they see in the counselor the object of their unmanageable hatred.
Difficult – to – Handle Pity
In the movie “Flipped”, the little boy had an indescribable pity for the little girl, which was actually a projection of his own sense of helplessness. A client might feel pity for the counselor because they see their former helplessness in the counselor.
Difficult – to – Handle Sexual Fantasies
In the movie “Fatal Attraction”, the protagonist’s sexual fantasies about the female lead made him unable to extricate himself, ultimately leading to irreversible consequences. A client might have sexual fantasies about the counselor because they project their desires onto the counselor.
In short, transference is like when a person can’t have a relationship with a real person, so they buy an “inflatable doll” as a substitute. Sometimes, a client might regard the counselor as a perfect ideal object rather than a real person. That is, when a person can’t handle the inner pain they have towards another person, they must find a “scapegoat”. In the counselor – client relationship, the counselor naturally becomes the most likely target of the scapegoat. Similarly, a client might transfer their resentment towards others onto the counselor.
The Hidden Transference in Daily Life
I write this article because transference often occurs in everyone’s life, yet many are unaware of it, causing harm to both others and themselves.
Transference in Family
For example, in a family, transference often happens. There was a man named Xiao Wang whose relationship with his wife was always tense and cold. Whenever he had an argument with his wife, he would unconsciously lose his temper with his child, transferring his anger and disappointment towards his wife onto the child. This not only hurt the child’s feelings but also deepened the rift among family members. If Xiao Wang could recognize this transference phenomenon and communicate openly with his wife, he might be able to find the root of the problem and improve the relationships between husband and wife and between parent and child.
Transference in the Workplace
In the workplace, transference is also common. There was an office lady named Xiaoli who had a very tense relationship with her mother. She always felt that her mother’s control and criticism suffocated her. At work, Xiaoli transferred this repression and anger onto her clients. Whenever clients made requests or modification suggestions, she would feel extremely irritable and dissatisfied and even get angry with them. Through this transference, she was actually rebelling against her mother’s control. If Xiaoli could recognize this and deal with her relationship with her mother through counseling, her emotional reactions at work might become more peaceful.
Methods of Handling Transference
When you realize that you have a certain feeling towards the counselor, the best way to handle it is to communicate openly with the counselor. Just like Samson’s wife, if she could face her doubts and communicate frankly with Samson, their ending might have been better. Suppose one day, during the counseling process, you suddenly have a strong favorable feeling towards the counselor. You might feel confused and uneasy. At this time, you can try to say to the counselor, “I find that I have a special feeling towards you, and it makes me a bit confused.” You should know that counselors are professionally trained, and they will help you analyze these emotions with an understanding and empathetic attitude. In other words, handling transference is within the counselor’s professional expertise. In fact, some psychoanalytic – oriented counselors will clearly work through the client’s transference. On the contrary, if you feel angry or dissatisfied with the counselor, you can also express it directly: “Sometimes I feel that what you said makes me very angry.” Through such conversations, the counselor can help you explore the reasons behind these emotions. Perhaps this anger actually stems from the memory of an old wound, rather than the real emotion towards the counselor himself.
Conclusion
Transference is a mirror in psychotherapy, reflecting the hidden emotions in the depths of our hearts. No matter what feelings you have towards the counselor during the counseling process, you don’t need to feel ashamed or blame yourself. These feelings are the natural outpouring of your true inner emotions and an important step towards self – understanding and healing. So, be brave enough to face these emotions, communicate openly with the counselor, and let them help you understand and handle these emotions. Through this process, you can not only conduct psychotherapy better but also understand yourself more deeply and move towards a healthier and more fulfilling life. Just as the story of Samson reveals, honesty and understanding are the keys to maintaining and repairing relationships. Similarly, in psychotherapy, they are the bridges leading to inner reconciliation and growth.
